I did something tonight ive never done before. I’d say my mom is my biggest trigger. We got into a big fight (it was the first time i fought back I should say, verbally) last January it sent me into a dark, dark place. I let go and gave in to all my sick thoughts. It still stings thinking about it. Tonight it more than stings because i remember now! When things start to get good and she’s loving and nurturing for a while I get my hopes up she will be that fantasy mom, that ideal mom who I can run to and tell her anything and cry and she’d comfort me…I need to let that go. I really seriously need to accept that that will probably never be our relationship. She had sent me a few text today, a few videos of my siblings, funny videos. I was at work when I got one, then I was laying down trying to sleep and I didn’t get them right away. While I was in my AA meeting She started sending me text that I don’t care about the family, that I care more about my “rehab family”…things like that. Out of the blue! I had texted her earlier before my meeting and I said yes I got them and thank you. My first thought was to respond to her immediately-to get up and leave the meeting and tell her where to go. I got SO angry so quick. It wasn’t a huge deal except I jump to conclusions and I felt like last year would play itself immediately and I got scared! The thing I did that I haven’t done before is I called someone in my support system and I ran it by her and she helped me respond to my mother in an appropriate way. I was ready for a fight! It went absolutely against everything I feel is right to pause to think, call someone in recovery, and to take her guidance-it worked…