So I knew Easter was coming around and my family has this christmas/easter party every year… Back in September after my birthday we have a family reunion and we each draw one family members name from a hat and thats the person we have to get a gift fr the party around easter. But i never went in september because my mom and I were fighting I figured my name would get drawn for me. Well I called the only brother I have left that will talk to me.. I have 11 Brothers and only 1 still talks to me. But I asked him when the party was. He said he wasn’t sure to ask our aunt so i did. It took her 4 hours to reply and well then it turns out that a name was never drawn for me because i wasn’t invited. So the only family I had no longer wants me as their family…. I have no one left on my dads side of the family. They all died very young. My family has turn their backs on me and now I’m completely alone. Hearing the news about being so alone has sent me to a breaking point I’m not sure I’m coming back from. I’m sorry for the things I have done in my past… I lock myself in my room with the music turned up so loud. I’m hurt and feel so lost. People kick me when I’m done I’m constantly pushed around but no one’s really there to save me. Nothing will ever be the same. I wish I was someone else. I’m stuck inside a world I hate i wanna escape this pain I constantly feel inside. People fake everything… A smile… They Lie right to my face… No ones every lied straight to peoples face. You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay… I had to work for everything in my life people were lucky to just get stuff handed to them but no not me… My brother Bobby had everything… New clothes New shoes. New EVERYTHING and I got GARBAGE. I got hand me down clothes that were stained and torn. And shoes that never fit me right and leaked water bad but what does it matter? I’m the youngest right? Ya my moms youngest kid is 18 which is me.. She didn’t even call me that day… She wouldn’t even come to my party.. Infact no one even showed up… I rented land and everything for the weekend to have a huge party. DJ and all. But no one even cared enough to even call me… Jake was the only one to tell me happy birthday through a text… So i sat alone… I’m done hoping we could work things out. I know my heart will never be the same But I keep telling myself i will be okay.It’s harder on some days… I finally got the courage to be DONE forever with Jake.. My heart Hurts to think about him and that smile of his and his country accent that i fell in love with. Why couldn’t he just love me back. People tell me I’m stupid and I can’t take hurting anymore.. I’m having the nightmares again… I see myself SI and I’m so scared and each dream just gets worse and worse. When he was next to me the dreams stayed away.. I had a hint of happiness sleeping next to him. Then it dissolved when i lost the baby… Why me???