Hi. I’m Hannah. I’m a freshman at a Catholic high school, here is my story.

I’m adopted from China. I don’t know my real birthday or family. I was found on the street near a fire station. I was unwanted sense birth.

I never really fit in. I was always that girl with 1 person that weren’t ashamed to be around me, 1 if you count both my parents. My mother doesn’t seem to love me. When I was little, she always punished me, physically abused me, even though she says that’s not true. How could I not remember that?

The start of high school was great. I thought I was going to make all kinds of friends. Boy, was I wrong. I ended up becoming Agnostic, injuring myself, and almost committing suicide. I have no one I can trust at my school, so I rely on “internet friends.” I get made fun of for this. I tell them all my problems, they tell me theirs, it’s all good. Online, I even try to reach out and help others. The problem is, I can’t take my own advice. I’ve done so many stupid things. I’m not a virgin because someone pressured me into having sex with them. Nowadays, I’ll do anything to feel loved or wanted.

My ex (never “date” until college, its stupid.) pressured me into sending him a “special picture” in 8th grade… I did. That’s come back to haunt me today. A girl came up to me and asked me about it, I didn’t lie, and said I sent him that. She said he was showing people it. I was so mad. I typed up a nice little facebook message asking him nicely who he showed it to and why. I’m starting to be called every name in the book. This was the last straw. I joined this, I’ve read everyone else’s stories, they comfort me. I’m glad I’m not alone.

From the beginning of high school to now, I’ve injured myself. I can’t help it. I used to think injuring was “stupid” and “useless” but I get why people do it. It’s a way to release frustration and anger. I like it better, because the pain ends. It’s physical, not emotional. Plus, I control how much pain I give to myself. When I get bullied, the bullies never seem to stop.

Because of going to a Catholic School, I am now Agnostic (as stated before). It means  I don’t believe the existence of God, but I can’t deny the existence of him either. Faith is irrational. I can’t trust anyone, it’s so hard. Even when I do group projects, I have to make it all myself, just in case my group fails to do so. People that know I’m Agnostic say I’m doing it for attention, or I’m in some kind of evil cult. People judge you on everything.

This is such a simplified version of the pain I go through daily. I hope it makes some sense. I skipped around randomly because I’m typing so fast.