What is any of this worth, any of the hatred. I come off either rude or depressed. No matter what. It is unbearable, I can’t blink sometimes, I can’t let my mind wonder, because I will think of grandma,any start crying. The innocent eyes I had as a little girl came back. I remember being secure, having a chance to break away, any never get hurt. All that has changed in the 7 years. I can’t think of anything to look forward to into the future. Only being changed. regaining the blank structures that once was my face, that now looks so sad. Sometimes. He told me I looked like it sometimes. I need help. I know that. Just not where to get it without alerting my family. The worst part, I came here a few months ago to regain my sanity, regain the hold I had on reality. Make it where I would never SI. That never happened. Now I’m the girl, 13 years old, and I want to lay down and die. My only help is my friends. Only a few know. Got a really scary message back being told to ignore this and that. She knew plain well I couldn’t. Jack knows as well. So does Kyra. They don’t know me by Jade. No one does. Besides the few people that pay attention. To make it better, I may be depressed. I don’t think I’m the only one. But I can’t do anything. I’ll see if I can get him to understand, get him past the  losses. Maybe we can get out of this together, stay stronger somehow.