I find things hard to understand… He said he loved me… Yet I never hear from him anymore.. Then when he does text me and I ask if he is mad at me… He tells me “No baby I love you” I ask him why he avoids me and he doesn’t answer. He avoids the question all together and changes the subject… There are days I feel so alone and I can’t explain how I feel to people. My best friend doesn’t fully understand my compulsion towards SI. Neither does he… He tells me I’m stupid for doing it and that I really shouldn’t. He said I need to grow up. The SI releases stress… He’s my world but maybe I’m just not his world? To cope I try reading and writing poetry… I used to sing but had a life change when things went really wrong… I used to participate in Talent shows and Musicals and such… Now i play sports because I’m forced…
I’m surrounded by souls.
However, I’m nothing but alone.
I sleep with two other creatures of my kind, in the very same room.
Nevertheless, I’m the only one left when my eyes shut.
I talk to many ears throughout the day.
Although none of them really hear me.
I sit close to many warm bodies.
But I am still frozen inside.
I feel their touch graze my skin.
Even so, still numb I’ll always be.
I see them stare at me, judging character by appearance.
None the less, they are still blind and without guidance.
I feel for those that chose horrible paths,
Their disabled souls force my care to go untouched.
My tears of despair fall on closed, parched mouths.
While my breath of courage blows against hardened hearts.
I’m completely accompanied but utterly alone.
No one can reach to me now, but the kiss of the dark grows.
Seclusion in delusion, minus a life,
Saves a small soul from heart shattering strife.
So many friends and family
Yet I’m so lonely and alone
No one to reach out and talk to
All by myself left to condone
How did I let this happen again?
Why didn’t I see it from a mile away?
How could I allow the trap to be set?
Knowing my past and foolish ways
I guess what he said is the truth
And I am completely truly insane
Just look at the foolish choices I’ve made
I just can’t help not to refrain
I’m attracted to conflict and sickly to the pain
When will the violence stop; how will I finally end the disdain
Measly all I ask for is one simple day
Just one day where my life is not in complete disarray
I sugarcoat my troubles and most of all my despair
Dwelling in my own misery; not willing or able to share
So here I sit in solitude trying to work my troubles out
Conversing with my thought process; always a second doubt
It’s hard to get good advice from an unstable mind
Not knowing if I’m right or wrong; fearful of what I’ll find
How can I maintain this relationship when only one will communicate?
Finding it harder not to take the easy way out;
Although the thought is becoming one of my traits
I don’t feel I’m evil, though maybe I’ve been wrong all along
I do want to be normal, but I first need to become strong
So here I sit in solitude with this pen and paper in hand
They’ve now become my new best-friend and always understand