I have had to deal with a lot these past 6 years. I have been a totally different person since losing my dad. But recently I hurt my mom and i continued to do so because of my fear of letting people into my life. I have tried to S.I countless times. I have always felt so alone. This past month I keep having visions of me hurting myself. This issue keeps me from sleeping. My Aunt who i currently live with has done everything in her power to help me and guide me on the right path. She has now become sick with cancer. Its becoming more difficult for me to keep going. I feel people are abandoning and there will be no one left to help with the thoughts in my head and the things i do when i black out. I wish people wouldn’t judge me based on my appearance. I walk around keeping to my self. I’m not very social because I don’t know how to be. I spend time thinking about what if i never rebelled to get my moms attention. Did my mom ever really love me even though she abused me and was never there to take care of me when she was suppose to? Was it ok for her to always b drunk and act like a prostitute? Why did she treat me the way she did? Out of the 12 kids she had I’m the youngest… When she needed someone to take care of her I always did even when i was little? but does that mean I really love her? I’m finally 18 and my mother has finally realized how much she needs me and my money… But i can’t help her anymore.. Is that wrong of me?
Wow thats alot of things to go through and you shouldt have to go through it alone either. Im sorry about your aunt she was your sombody and now shes sick. I no how it feels to think that eeeryone is abamdoning you. Ive lost my mom and my dad and its hard to coope with that but you still have your mom and the fact that he treatsyou that way is not vood. Its ok to eant ti finally take care if you andnobkdy else bcause whi took care of you when you were taking care of your mother? Nithings wrong with you nd youll be ok. SI is hard to deal withbut there are other ways and things you do. Find way to talk more about your feelings and all the things you had to deal with. There are alot of good people on this site and maybe one of them can help. And im here for you as well. I wish you all tge luck
thank you… idk what i would do with out my best friend Danae and my aunt