I’m so sorry is the only word that i really keeping thinking in my head. I had counseling last week and i guess we talked about things that i don’t talk about. Ever since that appointment i haven’t been in a good place. I’ve SIed and i hate myself right now for it. I question what’s wrong with me? and why am i so dumb to ruin this. I do want to change but i just wish i knew how long it’s supposed to take to recover from an eating disorder and from this.. i just wish i could be normal again. I wish i could no longer worry my family or friends sometimes i just wish no one knew about this problem of mine. If they didn’t know they wouldn’t have to worry. Fact is i’m really upset that i just went down the hill and now i’m just stuck on how to fix this. I don’t know what to do and i’m really stuck. I wish i could just switch the off button and i’ll be happy and healthy again. I started this why can’t i recover why can’t i stop dealing with everything the way i do. For one moment why can’t i see myself as “normal” what ever that may be. I wish i could stop and believe me i’m working so hard to get better.. and right now i feel dumb that i resorted to this. I don’t get what to do next ?