I was one year and five months exactly clean on Monday, then I decided to SI. There was a lot going on, but I know that none of it makes it okay to relapse. I gave in because I wanted to relapse. Nothing else. I am not bothered by the fact that I did fall back, I’m bothered that how I am already losing control. I know I should make this a short fall back, but I am not ready to give it up.