I cant do this anymore.  I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be strong. I didn’t want to give in.  It had been a good two months.  But I was weak and gave in. I cant believe I let myself get to this pont again.  It feel sso calming and soothing.  Yet I feel dumb that I gave in. I gave in and now im at zero again.  I have been having weird mood swings lately.  One min im totally fine, laughing having a great time, and the next I just want to go cry..  Everything I see thats a little sad brings teas to my eyes, yet other times I could care less.  I dont understand how i became so unstable.  Idk. I really do give up.  I thought I was stronger than the urges.  I thought I woudnt give in.  But here I am again.  Zero. nothing. a loser. … Alone