I am 20 years old and started s. I when I was 9. I’ve been the victim of violence and sexual abuse most of my life a nd that was my way of coping. At about 14 I stopped because I got help but then my dad passed from cancer and the rift between my mother and I has gotten worse for the past 3 years and now that I’ve met someone and plan to move in with him she’s been treating me horribly. Between taking all of my money and threatening to kick me out I feel like there’s no hope for me. She constantly bullies me and I have no one to talk to.no one understands the emotional wear and tear I’ve been through and I’ve just about used up all the fight I have left. I’ve relapsed over a month ago and I promised my boyfriend that I wouldn’t since his mom died from sucicide but with him not knowing how to help me i feel myself slippin back into my old habits. please someone let me know I’m not alone
You’re not alone.
I think that the important things are not to become isolated and not to neglect to express emotions (in a healthy way).
When I have problems with my parents I remind myself that I have my whole future ahead of me, and they won’t be around forever. I know that sounds harsh, but the fact is that if your mum hurts you emotionally or in any way, you don’t have to keep her in your life. I know that for many reasons that may not be possible for you right now, like it isn’t for me, but it can help to create some distance between the source of emotional distress and your future.
What I find helps me not to relapse is making sure I express what I’m feeling. What I mean by that isn’t that you should become overdramatic, but that if something makes you sad, allow yourself to be vulnerable or sad. If you’re feeling angry, don’t bottle it up. I find that kicking a cupboard or doorframe can help (another good release is going for a walk or going running). But again, in moderation – don’t become an over angry person that kicks everything or starts yelling at everything.
You don’t have to react or express yourself to something straight away, but the point is that you don’t let your emotions get on top of you so that you feel you have no other release.
Obviously I don’t know the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ of the situation, but try talking to your boyfriend. Even if he doesn’t understand, if he cares about you he should at least be able to listen to you. And don’t be afraid to tell him what you want, make sure you share what’s going on with you, don’t keep it all to yourself. If you don’t want to say things out-loud you can try writing them down. And what can be cathartic is to write things down and then destroy the piece of paper, or rip it up, it might sound odd but I think it helps.
From what you’ve outlined, you’ve been through a lot, and you’re a very strong person. And I can tell that because you’re here, and you wrote about it. And clearly you’re not ready to give up because you’ve admitted you’re having a hard time at the moment, this is something to be proud of!
Sorry this comment is so long.
Best wishes.