I still feel weak, I still feel like I had no childhood, I also know I’m not the only one, who had to grow up to quickly. 13 and I let my heart fall, more than once, same person. I don’t injure though, the thought came to be a while ago but I had nothing. I know I should be learning, I’ve been reading about other people for…. a few months, yet I haven’t. I only have one, no, two friends who know. I know if I tell my ex next time I tell him to stop, he might use it against me. Yeah, I gave him my bad habit. What a great girl, save it for a girl who cares, because he hasn’t in a while, and his family doesn’t think well of this habit most of us share.I mean, your mental, go in a hospital type.

Anyways, I have gotten over my cousin, and I remember her, and still blink away the tears. My best friend will be gone all summer, because of another problem, and I won’t be able to see her, my male best friend is gay, and I can’t say anything to anybody, I want to cry and scream, and so much more. When I do, I have to keep my family from hearing, because they over react. I found out before.

I honestly don’t know, because I wanna dye my hair a dark color, blue/black thing, which people in china have all the time, have my hair longer, about halfway down my back, lose weight. You can see problems by looking at me, oh, best part, I have an attitude.This is the one thing my friends will never be able  to describe.The sad part, I can’t be myself, I fear I might be bisexual, and my family will kill me, my mother told me to leave that behind when I go to visit her, so I don’t know what to do anymore. My only escape is music, sometimes art. I want to do something with my life, but I can’t,because I am not good enough to my family, to some people, my friends can cheer me up, but at 1 in the morning, who would be awake. Who would be able to cheer this worthless pile up. I know this wont help, and if my ex figures out who I am, and finds my best friends secret, I am dead. But I just can’t handle it. My friends can survive. I know that I must be a helpless case, however, I was from birth, so why does it matter.