So last night I Self Harmed.. I woke with injuries. When I do it.. it’s like I get this high. My eyes are blurry and I injure.. searching for something. I don’t really know why I did it. I’m just so confused. I want to be open, but then I feel vulnerable. But when I’m not open, I feel terrible for not keeping my mom and sister in the loop. And when they find out a week or two later, they freak out. I feel like I’m trapped in a cage. I want to escape.. but I’m scared to leave this familiar, safe-haven. I’m tired, mentally and physically, from dealing with it all. I just want this to be done.
I know how you feel. Yeah, it sounds cliche but it’s true. Feeling vulnerable isn’t a fun way to feel by any means. But, in a bizarre way, you have to be vulnerable to be strong. It sounds completely contradictory, but it’s how it is. The only way you can grow to be strong is to put yourself outside of your comfort zone and ne vulnerable. Sometimes you’ll run back to your safe place, of course, but as long as you keep going back out there you’ll get stronger and stronger every time. I hope that makes sense
What you are going through is totally understandable. I feel the same thing when I SI but you have to realize thats only because you are addicted to it. When you look at the picture it really isnt helping anything. As for being open about things.. its extremely hard. I’ve struggled with that all my life. Just know that even if it feels safer to keep everything inside of you (thats how i felt) it just makes things so much worse. You end up feeling like no one cares enough to care when the truth is you just wouldn’t let them in. My friends do the same thing if I don’t tell them. Maybe you can find someone that wont freak out but at least you can tell someone and get it off your chest. Its hard to keep a secret all the time and live it. I know what you mean by being tired and sick of everything. Don’t give up! If you persevere I promise it will get better!If you don’t want to tell your parents right after you do it then dont. Maybe wait 2 or 3 days till you feel comfortable talking about it. That way you told them and they didn’t have to find out themselves yet you still had the initiative to tell them. Plus before you talk to them you can come and talk to us…anytime! We all know what you are going through and would like to help you!! I wish you luck!