This is my first time talking about this with strangers, but, even though my family knows, I have no one i can really talk to. So, here goes. I was in the hospital a few months ago. My mom freaked out when she first found out that I hurt my self and she decided on her own that I was suicidal — I wasn’t. Since the hospital stay though, I have been so scared that she would send me back that I have managed to resist the urges, until recently. My mom is my life. I’m 28 and I still live with her (I know, totally lame). She just had surgery and she’s been in the hospital for a few days. I don’t know if its the stress or the lonliness or maybe even the fact that shes not here (some weird freedom from the threat of being sent back to the hospital) or something else entirely, but I can’t stop S.I. ing now. I recently got a new therapist. When I told her about the S.I. stuff she just said ok and changed the subject. I dont know if that means she doesnt think Im ready to deal with it yet, or she wants to get to know me more, or she just doest know what to do about it. So, of course, Im obsessing about whether I should stay with her or find someone else. And my godmother is treating me like a five year old made of glass. Every time she sees the bandages she asks me if I remembered to take my meds. I want to scream at her, but I know that she doesnt know how else to help. I wish we had the kind of relationship where I could just talk to her about this stuff. I know this is kind of all over the place, so thanks for reading it and any comments are welcome.
Okay. First of all, I hope you’ll find this site to be helpful and supportive because we understand how this addiction is and how much it effects your life..all of it. Anyway, with your new therapist, I would assume that she was trying to get to know you better first and get more information about you and your life. She also might not have been sure about how much you wanted to talk about the SI, so she didn’t want to talk too much about it the first meeting. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think you should meet with her again before you look for a new therapist. I’m sorry your grandmother is treating you like that. Even though she means well, it still doesn’t take away from how frustrating it is.
Hello and welcome to the blog! My name is Pam and I’m one of the moderators of the blog.
I’m sorry your Mom is going through surgery, I’m sure that’s stressful for you both. I wonder if some of that stress is what’s causing your injury to increase – like you wondered. It’s important to take a look at what feelings trigger you to injure.
My hope is that your new therapist (I’m also a clinical therapist) was trying to figure out what’s happening to make you choose to injure. If you wonder why she seemed to change the subject – I would encourage you to ask her how she feels about the subject. Ask her how she will work with you about the self injury and everything else. I would imagine she’s be happy to answer those questions.
Start a journal if you don’t have one. I would also encourage you to read the book “Bodily Harm” (Conterio/Lader – co-founders of SAFE). It’s a great book with a lot of helpful thoughts. There is an example of a “impulse control log” you could use in there that may help also.
It’s great you’re reaching out! You are not alone in this. Best wishes, Pam