I haven’t been on here in a long time. I finally decided to get on because it seems like everyone that I was relying on and using for support isn’t very supportive anymore. I feel more like I’m on my own than ever before. People keep saying that they’re here for me whenever I need them, but they’re not. As soon as I ask to talk to them they’re busy or just ignore me. It hurts so much because I’ve been keeping alot bottled up thinking that I might be able to vent with them a little bit but obviously they don’t have time for me. And then to make things worse I’m feeling a lot of pressures from people at school.
The guy that wanted me to date him a year ago is friends with me again but is dating someone else. It just makes it awkward because I feel like he keeps saying that I’m miserable because I passed up my chance with him. It feels like he’s taunting me because he invites me to do stuff with him then reminds me he’s dating someone else. Normally I wouldn’t be too worried about it but lately all of my supports have failed so I’m in need of a friend more than ever right now and it’s like he’s waving it in my face, you could’ve had me but now I’m with her. I don’t know, that’s only part of what’s making me feel so low. I feel like I’m just ready to give up. I don’t see the point in even trying to quit if no one is there to care if I’m better or not. I want to be better but I can’t imagine being without SI. I need someone to help guide me and be there for me through it, not jeering at me from the sidelines. I just feel so hurt and alone right now I don’t even know what to do. This is going on my fourth year of SI, I’m ready to have an intervention, for someone to help me I just don’t know how