My cousin died, I think it is the fourth death in the past two years. Everyone I love is dying. Yet, I have to sit back and pretend I’m fine. I SI yesterday. I just found myself, and now I lost it. I am surprised I am still sane. My friend who I told about the SI told me I needed to get help. All I know is that help is out of my reach. If I go to someone in school, my parents will find out, if I go to a clinic, my family will find out. I know that I became depressed last night. I don’t want to get help, or talk to somebody. I just want my life to be NORMAL again. I was forced to grow up far to quickly, and everyone is telling me to mold into this perfect little girl, and I can’t. I can not do something I know would change me anymore. I honestly just need someone to go and cry on. Yet I don’t know who, so maybe I will find out before I start changing to please everybody, like I tried. I just don’t know if I will go insane or not.