My cousin died, I think it is the fourth death in the past two years. Everyone I love is dying. Yet, I have to sit back and pretend I’m fine. I SI yesterday. I just found myself, and now I lost it. I am surprised I am still sane. My friend who I told about the SI told me I needed to get help. All I know is that help is out of my reach. If I go to someone in school, my parents will find out, if I go to a clinic, my family will find out. I know that I became depressed last night. I don’t want to get help, or talk to somebody. I just want my life to be NORMAL again. I was forced to grow up far to quickly, and everyone is telling me to mold into this perfect little girl, and I can’t. I can not do something I know would change me anymore. I honestly just need someone to go and cry on. Yet I don’t know who, so maybe I will find out before I start changing to please everybody, like I tried. I just don’t know if I will go insane or not.
It’s hard that many people around you are dying, I dont know how it feels. But I do know that you are NOT insane, you just deal with your emotions differently. I SI too, but we have to try to increase our feelings of self worth to stop. I hope this helps…
I’m very sorry to hear about your cousin. I hope you’re doing okay.. death and loss are some things a lot of people don’t understand. As for everything else, I think you have to try and forget about the molds people try to squish you into. You will never be able to make everyone happy. Some people you will never be able to make happy, no matter how hard you try. It’s not fair for them to put that pressure on you anyway.it’s hard, but you have to try and forget about making all of them happy, and be who you are. That’s all you havering do. Sometimes, okay a lot of the time, it’s hard to be yourself. Much less be happy with yourself and who you are. Try to learn to accept yourself. You can’t make them happy, so make yourself happy. There will always be something in your head telling you that you can be bettter, you van be more, if you’re living to fit someone’s mold for you. Live to make yourself happy and love and accept yourself. If someone doesn’t accept you for you, that’s their problem.