hey, I haven’t posted in a long time. It feels as if I am have been stumbling though the past half year, and now I am just dragging myself forward. I haven’t SI’d in a while. It’s not like I don’t want to or that I’m getting better. Actually it kinda feels like the opposite; that I just don’t care anymore. I just don’t bother to SI. I just want it to end. I can’t handle school anymore, can’t handle anything. I’m thinking about asking my shrink if there is any possibility to be hospitalized or something, but I don’t know if I am “sick enough”. I think about suicide a lot, but am I serious about it? I don’t know. And should I wait to find out if I am? I can’t take it anymore.