I posted about a week ago about how I was a lonely adult in a room full of teenagers in a treatment program. I was scared to share my issues, for fear they either couldn’t relate to me or that my grief over my dog was not important because he was “just a dog.” After a week, I realize that the distortion about my dear dog is mine. My teenage peers not only related to me but supported me. Today I know my dog is at peace. He was an important part of my family and my very best friend and I deserve to grieve over him. I am grateful for the time we had together.
What is just as inspiring to me are the connections I’ve been able to make with my fellow program members of any age. My therapist asked me on Monday night over the phone if it was too early to see the meaning in why I was in a program with a bunch of teenagers now at this point in my life. On that day I said that it was too early. By Wednesday night, I saw the meaning was that self injury and the issues behind it don’t have an age. My circumstances and triggers have changed over the years but the underlying issues remain the same. I truly believe that being with these bright, insightful, sensitive and creative young people gave me the opportunity to see some of these underlying issues like I couldn’t see them when I was their age but with their innocence, curiosity and hopefulness. And yes, they are all those things and more. They are some of the most beautiful people I’ve met and I’m grateful to have met them. Today, I feel inspired to choose recovery.
I’m so happy for you! You sound like you’ve really grown a lot already. I’m glad I can look up to you and how you’ve progressed. You’re totally right. SI doesn’t have any age. It effects all races and genders and ages. We can all learn from anyone who’s gone through this.. I see us as my family. A dysfunctional family, but so caring and supportive.
Thanks, barelybyhope. I hope to stay strong this week in light of some HUGE triggers this past weekend and last night. So glad to get to go back to treatment this morning but know I must eventually, and soon, face each day without such support. Facing the reality that while I have some people for certain support, in the end I only have me. Scary thought.
It is scary. Just know you’re supported. You are strong!