I don’t think…no I KNOW its not normal to feel the way I feel. I’m never happy; I am either “ok” or “sad” there is no in between for me. I been like this for years and its getting harder for me to keep it under control. All this time I have been fighting myself BY MYSELF and its so difficult. I keep telling myself that I am going to be ok but I really don’t know if I am.  Its been 11 years (and counting) that I have been trying to keep the lock tight on the “dark side of my closet” which is really my head but I just dont known…I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle. The question is when will I give up my fight and just let the darkness take me over or do I just keep trying to figure out how to overcome??? I need to remind myself that I put in 11 years of fighting. I can’t, I just CAN’T give up yet!!!!