Is it normal for me to be super mad at someone and the next minute i’m there apologizing to them as i cry. Lately i have been feeling ignored by my friends, and i can’t speak up. I’m way to shy to even do it. I got so angry with myself, 1) i am so shy i can’t even speak up for myself and 2) my friends don’t pay attention to me. I have told them about how i was feeling about it several times and they just told me to not think about it and just have fun. I couldn’t. I couldn’t ignore all the loneliness. They asked me a few times to hang out but it never felt comfortable. It felt like i didn’t belong. One day i just wanted to give up. I turned to S.i. it was the only way i could express my feelings. i would feel better but those feelings of them ignoring me keep creeping back into my head. They confronted me, and i always wanted this, for them to talk to me about it. But no…my head wouldn’t let me so i ran off crying cause the way i acted was cold & evil. I felt evil. is it normal for me to be so cold to them then the next minute i break down and start apologizing for how i acted? And thinking that if i don’t exist that i wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore? and turning to S.i. I also do it cause i don’t like who i am, everyone tells me i’m special and unique but for some reason i can’t accept it and throw it back into their faces. Is this normal? I would like to hear from all of you. i don’t like the fact that i use self harm to feel better but sometimes its all i can do…
I know just how you feel. I feel that way A LOT. I think it is normal for a lot of people. People dont always pay attention to the Fact, that they arent always considering others enough, and that’s how people get ignored. And everyone is special, even if they dont see it, so you shouldnt feel like you arent 🙂
I don’t think there’s anything that’s “normal.” But I do know that what you’re going through and feeling a lot of people go through. Myself included. I hate pushing people away but when I’m doing it, it’s like I have no control. Then it’s like what you said.. I end up apologizing and crying and hating myself more. Hating everything. You’re not the only one. The only way this can stop is when we decide to make a plan and a conscious effort to change it. Change how react to our feelings. Like writing down how you feel about your friends and speaking up for yourself. Then talking about it. Even though it’s so, so hard to do. We have to be brave. And be strong and keep fighting for ourselves. Learn to love ourselves. You’re not evil. When you feel the urge to SI, blog. About it. Write in a journal, punch pillows, rip up paper. Just do anything. Blast music and jump around. Cry. It’s okay to cry-even if it seems like you do it a lot. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do. Stay strong. We’ve just got to make plans to sort out our feelings and keep going. It will get better
I to know how you feel but im mute i write how i feel i write it better then i show it, if your friends really love you then they will comfort you and not tell you not to worry and shrug it off. they wouldnt know its not that easy. But if your to shy to tell how u feel write it down it will make u feel better knowing you got how u feel out to the world without even talking. 🙂