alrighty, well i’m basically here asking for advice from anyone, since all of you reading this have probably either been through what im dealing with or are curently dealing with it too…
i’ve had problems with s.i. since 6th grade, i’m a sophmore now. i’ve been doing it on and off for the past 4 years but when i am doing it, i have literally no self control. i hate it and find it to be so disgusting, i already have too many flaws with my appearance that i obsess over and the scars don’t help, usually i’ll only wear clothes that cover them because i cant stand what my body looks like. i know, i’m messed up. to tell the truth, i’m not even sure why i do it any more. i had lots of problems when i started, but now i only have to deal with what i think are normal teenage stresses. i feel ashamed/lonely/depressed/angry every day, usually because i can never stop thinking about past failures or regrets. i have extreme social anxiety and while i do have friends, i don’t feel comfortable around them or even my family. and i have a really difficult time talking to new people. i injure in more than one way and have mostly been able to keep it a secret. i binge eat a lot, i haven’t really gained weight but i feel disgusted with myself anyway. i hate myself for being selfish and feel as if i’m not only disappointing God but everyone around me as well. do i sound totally crazy, or is there any of who can relate to any of this? sorry if its confusing.
I can relate. To almost every bit of it. You are so, so important. Too important to feel like this. I know that doesn’t change anything, but it’s true. First of all, I don’t know anyone who isn’t messed up in some way. Yes, there are varying degrees of being messed up. And I’m waaay messed up. But that’s okay! Our stories will be helpful to someone one day. It’s not all for nothing. The eating thing
.. I’ve been there. I’m still kind of there. All of this is a day-by-day thing. You aren’t perfect but no one is. I can guarantee you are your harshest critic. Your “flaws” make you you. Being you, imperfect you, makes you perfect. Perfectly imperfect. Accept yourself. Learn to love yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s hard, believe me, but you have to accept the past. But it’s just that-the past. You can move on from it. Give yourself time. Your greiving stage for things you can’t change has to come to an end now. Focus on pleasing yourself and making yourself happy. Don’t hate yourself anymore. You aren’t alone and you have my support and encouragement
I started o SI when i was in 5th grade and i’m now a freshman in college. I’ve hated my scars and i’m ashamed of them and always scared that someone is going to notice. My counselor told me to think of the scars as battle wounds. As in i went through something but now i’m over it i guess. I am suffering through two eating disorders and Self harm so i know how it feels to feel so out of control. I always feel grosser y and hate myself but these problems can be worked out. I’m in counseling and it has helped a lot to be able to have someone to talk to. Just remember you’re not alone.
thanks guys! its very kind of you to reply & i appreciate that. and i wish the best to you as well!