so i figured out i can log on to this site from my phone…and im so happy i figured that out because i dont know how much longer i can take this.                        nothing is going right!!  its been almost four months (tomorrow)and the urge is so bad i can barely take it? im overwhelmed with school, horrible friends, my parents contantly acting as if they still have control over me…when i dont! im nineteen? they have no right to tell me how to live my life.     im having dreas about si now…and thats when i know the urge is getting to its peek…once the dreams start, i cant take it anymore. i have to give in then or i wont be able to function.          i feel stupid and worthless and ugly and hopeless and like there is no point in fighting. four months and im still fighting like i did four months ago! is there any hope? or shoul i just quit? i just cant shake this crippling urge that lasts all day and follows me into my dreams. its not fair. im just done with people…and everything else hat goes with life. i feel empty and numb. si takes away that feeling. it makes me feel better. i just dont know how much longer im going to last. (sorry for the typos…my phone hides half of what im typing and wont let me fix it)