So, I’m not really sure why I’m even writing this right now, but I feel the need to. Today was supposed to be a good day, but then when I got home, things just went awry. Let me start with this, today I was messing around with one of my friends, who happens to be a girl (I’m a girl), and we walked out of class and through the halls holding hands. Nowwww, everyone at school thinks we’re going out. I hate how stupid people are, ohhh, look at those girls holding hands, they’re totally going out. What are we, kindergardeners?! I’m not bothered by the fact that there’s a rumor going around, I’m just bothered by the fact that my parents are really bothered with it. I keep reassuring my mom that I don’t care what people think of me because of their stupid rumors, but she just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. It’s so aggravating. They know that I went through an experimental phase and if I see a girl I like and she likes me back, I’ll go for it, but they just do not get it. They automatically assume that I’m going to sleep with all my friends because I’m what people call “bi”. I thought they understood and I thought they raised me to let rumors and gossip shrug off my shoulders. I’m almost 18 and my parents are still sending me mixed messages.
My other issue of the day is I have really bad tendinitis in my wrists, where I can’t face my hands flat and towards the ceiling. I get aches constantly and my flexibility is decreasing by the minute. I can’t get coins that are on a table, hurts like crazy, and that exact scenario happened today. My parents poured coins out on the counter and I left a salt mess on the counter. So sarcastically I said that my punishment could be getting the coins off the table. He took the suggestion and made me do that. I started to do so and I got so frustrated because I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get the coins off the table and I started to cry. I don’t know if any of you know that feeling, but oh, it’s definitely not a good feeling. I hate it.
To follow up on my vent-age, I’m almost a year and four months sober and my feelings almost haven’t changed. I know that I shouldn’t injure and I won’t, but I know that it’s inevitable and I will eventually fall back into it. But I have the tools to get myself back up, but at least I can admit that failure is okay and that I will get back up when I need to.