I am in the same room, isolated and sick and hopeless as I was 7 months ago. I’m trying so hard to remember its a process and to not give up. Alcohol and self injury I feel like I am defeated by the two. Tonight is the worst. The most self destructive and sad and hopeless. There is some self preservation in me; it’s such a strange feeling to be in this state of mine yet have all these tools and feeling incapable of using them. I feel it’s too late, I’m too far gone. I wil alWas be crazy and unstable…
I need to gather strength to fight and pull myself it.

My girlfriend said She is leaving me to move to Oklahoma in the spring. Consequences. I need some extra help now.