I injured last night. I need answers and closure from a lot of things in my life. I can’t get it. It’s not in my control. SI is the only thing that’s mine and I control. Sometimes I’m in control anyway. I just wanted the relief of the scream inside. A physical proof of my pain. Some proof I’m hurting even if he doesn’t see it. Even if he doesn’t believe I have scars anymore. They’re real. My pain is real. Betrayal, confusion, depression, loneliness. It’s consuming me from the inside out. So much worse.. I’m gone
The control this is how i feel. I want to stop but i feel like i need some type of control from the things that are going on in my life. I have an eating disorder and when i’m not SIing it’s as if i need some type of control so i control my food intake and weight. It’s a big juggling act for me where i just need to find balance between the two problems. The scars are proof that you’ve been some where dark and you overcame it. I understand about the depression and loneliness consuming you because i can have as many friends come up to me and be there when i need someone the most but some times i still feel so alone. Stay strong and remember you’re not alone you can fight this and find new ways to cope with things that wont cause scars on your body.