I dont want to Si today.  I have the urge yes.  I got the urge after I got on the scale.  Im not going to act on it though.  I have too much going for me right now to acto on a silly impulse.  Is it an impulse? A need? A thought? Idk.  The urge has been there almost everyday , I just haven’t acted out on them lately.  Maybe Im stronger? Maybe im just dumber? I wish I didnt fall into slumps like this.  I wish I could snap my fingers and feel better.  Unfortunately I know SI is that “snap of fingers” but at the same time, I know its going to bring me back to this same feeling.  I remember when I would SI regularly.  Now I SI less often.   So I know Ive grown in stopping the urges.  I just wish I could control it forever.  But then a part of me doesn’t.  If i dont injure,…. i don’t have anything.  I dont drink. I dont smoke. I dont do anything thats bad for me, other than SI.  I think I keep a  hold on SI because its the last thing thats really…mine.