I dont want to Si today. I have the urge yes. I got the urge after I got on the scale. Im not going to act on it though. I have too much going for me right now to acto on a silly impulse. Is it an impulse? A need? A thought? Idk. The urge has been there almost everyday , I just haven’t acted out on them lately. Maybe Im stronger? Maybe im just dumber? I wish I didnt fall into slumps like this. I wish I could snap my fingers and feel better. Unfortunately I know SI is that “snap of fingers” but at the same time, I know its going to bring me back to this same feeling. I remember when I would SI regularly. Now I SI less often. So I know Ive grown in stopping the urges. I just wish I could control it forever. But then a part of me doesn’t. If i dont injure,…. i don’t have anything. I dont drink. I dont smoke. I dont do anything thats bad for me, other than SI. I think I keep a hold on SI because its the last thing thats really…mine.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t weigh myself. The scale is a major trigger for me.. maybe you could try and not weigh yourself. It’s so hard for me. (I struggle with an ED..) I know how you feel about your SI. I don’t drink or smoke or anything either. I think I’m a bit..attached.to my SI. Like you said, it’s mine. I have something that’s mine, not anyone else that I know. Besides people on this cite. But we deserve to own something else. Like.. anything else. To really break the addiction we need something else to be proud of or that can belong to us. We just have to find out what it is