I dont want to Si today. I have the urge yes. I got the urge after I got on the scale. Im not going to act on it though. I have too much going for me right now to acto on a silly impulse. Is it an impulse? A need? A thought? Idk. The urge has been there almost everyday , I just haven’t acted out on them lately. Maybe Im stronger? Maybe im just dumber? I wish I didnt fall into slumps like this. I wish I could snap my fingers and feel better. Unfortunately I know SI is that “snap of fingers” but at the same time, I know its going to bring me back to this same feeling. I remember when I would SI regularly. Now I SI less often. So I know Ive grown in stopping the urges. I just wish I could control it forever. But then a part of me doesn’t. If i dont injure,…. i don’t have anything. I dont drink. I dont smoke. I dont do anything thats bad for me, other than SI. I think I keep a hold on SI because its the last thing thats really…mine.