I find it so hard to talk about my feelings so I SI instead. It’s like I shut down and go inside myself when something upsetting is happening. I don’t know how to respond. I have to process it. I have to buffer the pain. But later it hurts to bring it back up. I choke on the words. I have trouble picking the right words to express myself. Even now, I have trouble. I hit the backspace button and change or add a word or phrase. I never seem to be able to accurately describe how I feel. I am muted. And if I can get a sentence out, I am often surprised by the emotion I feel, by the tears that come. I won’t always realize how much something is bothering me until then. I try to stifle my reaction, hide my vulnerability. Only my scars show the truth.