Its been a year since I’ve gotten on, and lots has happened in that year. I’ve learned that the ones I considered my family were not, well not him anyway. I hate myself for letting him do what he did to me. I hate that I took so long before telling someone, had I said something sooner I wouldn’t have lost my best friend of 8 years, she was like my sister in every way and now there is no chance of getting her back because he filled her head with lies and being her dad she believed him over me…she thinks we had an affair, but I didn’t want it. I never wanted any of it to happen. At least when I turned to my parents they believed me and welcomed me back into their lives with open arms even after all the horrible things I had done to their family, and the horrible things I had said to them and about them…I’ve realized that nobody can replace your real parents. I was kicked out of my best friend’s (well, ex-best friend now) house, and I moved in with another great friend who became my fiance and is now my husband. He knows everything there is to know about me, even all about the S.I. He knows that it hasn’t stopped, even though he wishes I could and would. Really right now there is nothing wrong with my life. It couldn’t get better unless I won the lottery or something. I don’t know why I still get the urge, I don’t know why it wont go away, ever. I hate the look on my husbands face when he sees another scar. But I feel like I cant breathe without my S.I. I feel panicked and it doesn’t stop until I’m done. I know that it’s because I cant let go of my past, because it haunts me everyday, it even effects me and my husbands marriage sometimes, tho he doesn’t let it get too far. I wish I could just forget it all and be normal, I feel like I cant be a good wife if I keep doing this, I don’t deserve the love that he gives me everyday. I’m 20 years old and S.I. has been my life since I was 13. I want it to stop but I don’t know how!! I want to stop hurting him and the only way to do that is to stop hurting myself which I can’t seem to do!