I don’t understand it. I’ve SI for I really don’t know how long. I want to say at least 4 years but I’ve fought it every step of the way. Do it once…stop for months….then a year…then slip up….then stop…like a cycle. However, its been getting worse. The urge to SI. I’m so mad once again I gave in a few weeks ago. Haven’t done it since but tonight I wanted to sooo bad. I don’t even know why. I don’t have a bad life. In fact compared to most my life is close to “perfect” so why do I have this horrible habit? I’m going to stop! I will…I have to…..but the truth is I can’t see my self ever stoping. Not because I don’t want to but because I feel like this will always be my coping mecanisum(sp!)….or the first thing I’ll think of to cope. I think I do it just because I’m tired of thinking everything in my life is perfect. Its not. I used to do this because of guilt but I don’t feel as guilty as I used to. So how come even when things in life are good I still turn to this? Why is it so addicting? I wish I never would have started….. :/
I can’t tell you why it’s so.addicting. I just feel the pull of it like you do. That may not really be comforting, but at least I understand the draw of SI. If you’re ready to stop, then you can do it. You sound determined. And everyone on this cite has your back.
It does help, knowing I’m not alone so thank you! I feel like I’m insane sometimes just because its such a fight. I am determined. I want to beat this. Thanks again.
I had the same exact problem. currently I have not SI in about two years, but Im scared I might sometimes. When Im with people it is never a problem, but when I am alone in my room sometimes the urge comes back. and it really is scary.
You are deffinatly not alone. I think this will be a long battle for both of us and probably for a lot of people on this site but I agree with the previous comment.. we have your back.