I don’t understand it. I’ve SI for I really don’t know how long. I want to say at least 4 years but I’ve fought it every step of the way. Do it once…stop for months….then a year…then slip up….then stop…like a cycle. However, its been getting worse. The urge to SI. I’m so mad once again I gave in a few weeks ago. Haven’t done it since but tonight I wanted to sooo bad. I don’t even know why. I don’t have a bad life. In fact compared to most my life is close to “perfect” so why do I have this horrible habit? I’m going to stop! I will…I have to…..but the truth is I can’t see my self ever stoping. Not because I don’t want to but because I feel like this will always be my coping mecanisum(sp!)….or the first thing I’ll think of to cope. I think I do it just because I’m tired of thinking everything in my life is perfect. Its not.  I used to do this because of guilt but I don’t feel as guilty as I used to.  So how come even when things in life are good I still turn to this? Why is it so addicting? I wish I never would have started….. :/