I dnt know wat i want anymore. I want to be free from SI, but at the same time, i want it.. i THIRST for it. Sometimes.. i feel mad, crazy mad. Alittle bit loose in my sanity if u know what i mean.. like…i REALLY loose it. Sometimes i feel as if a mentalward is where i really belong….. or even an asylum.. these.. whispers.. or voices in my head, drive me INSANE.. i was so close to doing things i wud hate myself for.. no one really kniws about this except for my bestfriend. Im not sure anymore.. i hate it when people lecture me.. but yet at the same time, i want so badly to believe, and i want the thoughts to go away. I know its not easy, obviously as we all know.. but there has to be an easier way…. right? I mean… i just dnt know anymore.. i cnt put my thoughts together.. and wheneve ri try, it neve rmakes sense.. then i lose my sanity alittle bit more.. come bck to earth.. and i SI…