I’m the oldest daughter of four girls in the peeeerfect christian family… the great big sister! I’m the overachieving, perfectionist, excellent-at-everything type… Happily married, trying to have a baby. Finishing my second college degree, starting a business, active in my community, blah blah blah….. And when I get really upset I self harm.

It’s escalating. I think of suicide often. I dont know why. My life is good.  That kind of makes it worse… Because I dont know how to talk about my feelings without sounding ungrateful or irrational.

When I’m stressed or guilty or angry I injure myself and it gives relief from the pressure built up inside. I don’t know why. Nothing else soothe me with the same catharsis. That scares me…. I guess I’m admitting for the first time that this could be an addiction and I could have a serious problem. I’m lost and I don’t know how to cope…. Because the problem IS my coping mechanism.

Help I feel so isolated and alone wIth this.