I made an analogy today when talking to my little sister about my SI. I recently told her that I used to do it but I’ve been three months free and don’t ever intend to go back to it, but that doesn’t mean the urge doesn’t come back every so often with a vengeance.
The urge to self injure is much like being thirsty. But imagine going a whole day without water and the next day waking up parched and just practically dying of thirst. When you’re that thirsty, you can’t think of anything but quenching your thirst and until it’s quenched, nothing else matters.
The difference between the two is that water we can’t live without…self injury, we can. We just don’t really know how to yet. I mean I’m learning to, but it’s so hard sometimes to know what outlet to use instead of giving in.
I try to talk about what’s going on in my life a lot instead of bottling things up like I’ve done my entire life. It’s enlightening how much of a relief it is just to tell one person. But it has to be the right person.
This fight is so hard. Some days, I just want to give up. But then I remember why this fight is important. Because I AM WORTH IT. Yeah, that’s right. God made me because He loves me. He doesn’t want me in pain. And I have people who love and support me who I don’t want to let down. But the main point is that I am NOT worthless. I have purpose and meaning. I believe there is a reason for everything…so there’s gotta be a reason we are all here on this earth, right?
YOU ARE WORTH IT. Don’t give up. Life is hard, but life is harder with an addiction to self injury. With the right way to cope, life can be enjoyable at the right moments. There will still be hard moments, but there are ways to get through those without hurting yourself more than you originally would be. I’m taking one day at a time to beat this. It’s not easy.
“I don’t wanna be afraid. I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today. And know that I’m okay. ‘Cause everyone’s perfect in unusual ways. So you see, I just wanna believe in me.” -Demi Lovato