How can you describe it? Other than feeling completely numb.. But you’re lucky when you’re numb. Because the sharp pain of feeling everything around you and inside you flowing through your hands, itching to self harm.. That feeling may be worse than numbness. Depends of the day. I can’t stand having to deal with pain of rejection and judgement and malicious words.
My boyfriend, now ex, is a supporter of TWLOHA and against self harm. I thought we were a perfect fit and so did he. I grew to trust him and told him about my SI. He helped me stay strong by just being there and loving me. He knew how.much he meant to me. It was good. We were good. I hadn’t SIed in almost a month. Everything fell apart when his mom.found out. He was the only person who knew.. I trusted him. She made him break up with me, saying I was unhealthy. I couldn’t even argue. In some ways she’s right.But i was doing better and she just wanted me gone. She tried to break us up before. He didn’t fight it. He lied to me so many times. And threw my deepest feelings and secrets out onto the world. Now many people know. People I can’t trust. He wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my best friend. I’m alone.. I self injured again