I guess I wouldn’t be on this website if I didn’t have a problem. But this is hard to admit. Why, when I look at the scars, can I not feel anything? I know I should be repulsed, but all I feel is vaguely, secretly glad. It is a record of my deepest truth, of the pain that is inside me and never seems to go away. And just when I start to feel ‘well’ and I go through a period of stopping the SH, another part of me takes over and sabotages these efforts, as if from deep inside I am screaming ‘No!! I am NOT well. I am NOT alright!’ It is as if SH somehow balances me, transferring the pain from inside to out, and then I feel better. It does its job.