No one cares. I’m done with this. I’m just done.
I feel so utterly hopeless…what is the point in fighting it if I just go back to it? What is the point of getting close to people when they’re not going to stick around anyways? What is the point of going to college for a degree I don’t even have the talent to use in the “real world”? And what is the point of losing weight if the one person who is obsessed with me losing weight doesn’t even care but thinks I need to lose more!
I don’t know where my life is going. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t even know if my boyfriend is just busy or if the hints I’m getting are really what they seem to be–he’s slowly stepping back.
I had my boyfriend over my house for Thanksgiving break and my parents didn’t like him…they said I could do better. Which, I mean…he didn’t put much effort into giving a good impression. I saw little to no effort. So what does that mean? Now that we’re back at college, I still see little to no effort…and I’m his GIRLFRIEND. Don’t I deserve a good morning text? Or a “lets meet for lunch” text? or a “hello, beautiful, how has your day been?” …but NO. I get none of that. Instead I go through the day pissed off and waiting for him to contact me…and when I finally see him, he gives me a freaking one armed side hug and then ignores me completely, talking to other girls and giving them hugs.
Maybe I don’t deserve any better. I don’t know.
I feel so lost. So helpless and lost and confused.
I feel worthless. And hopeless. And anxious.
Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and just cry for hours. But I can’t. I can’t cry. It’s such an effort just to get a couple tears out!
Why doesn’t anyone actually care about me? Makes me start to believe the voice that says I’m worthless…I guess I really must be.