(Warning, this will be kind of long) The last time I was on this blog was a year and a few months ago. Then I came across an old email from this site when I was cleaning out my email inbox. I went back and read what I posted, in October 2010. It’s funny, looking back, because in that blog I expressed fears for the future. And as I feared, my year did just get worse. But then it got better. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. That’s why I am writing this. I wanted to share my story, and encourage people like me to keep on trying. To summarize that year of my life, it was my freshman year in high school, it was the worst thing I have ever been through. I was super depressed, and I still have easily visible scars from the SIing. I got quite near suicide. I just wanted everything to end, I didn’t want to suffer through what was going on with my family, my mom and I only talked to fight, and my grandfather isolated himself and didn’t talk to anyone. I suffered this was for over a year, as I said though, most of it was my freshman year in high school. I tried all sorts of things to avoid SI, but they didn’t really work. I called the national prevention hotlines, tried a 30 day free trial of an online program, and more. I’m not saying those don’t work in general, they just didn’t work for me. Then in June, I was getting kind of scared, I didn’t know what was gonna happen to me, I found YouTube. Yeh, I know, I only found YouTube in 2011, I mean, I knew it existed before that, but I thought it was only a place where you found songs. It was in June 2011 that I discovered the real world of YouTube, with channels, partnerships, vevo, sub4subs, and top subscribed. I discovered YouTube was its own world, they were, and still are, people making hundreds of thousands of dollars just for talking into a camera every week. The way I discovered this? Through a youtuber called Shane. He is the number 5 most subscribed to person on YouTube, and a lot of his fans are people with complicated pasts, who have been through SI, abuse, all that stuff. I, like the rest of those people, watched one of Shane’s videos, and discovered it was the perfect distraction. While he does curse, make dirty jokes, dress up as girls, and do some weird stuff, he is hilarious. I soon realized why so many people with unhappy pasts watch Shane, it’s because he has been through it all, homeless, abuse, depression, all of that kind of stuff. It’s funny, I spent months reading through online community blogs, reading other people’s stories, but it took watching Shane for me to finally realize that I wasn’t alone, that there were other people out there who have been, or are going through what I was. It made me feel better, and whenever I got into an argument, or just felt depressed, I would watch a few of Shane’s videos, and I would forget whatever I was going through, and I would just laugh. Since then I have started my own YouTube channel where I post fun little videos, and I haven’t had any depression problems in almost 6 months. Then last night, I even found the courage to tell my twin friends about what I went through, I have a feeling they may have figured it out before though. While it was one of the scariest things I have ever had to do, they accepted it, and they didn’t care because they know that I am fine now. We are still best friends, and my mom is not anymore the wiser. Honestly, it is a HUGE relief to have someone else, or 2 someone elses, who know the whole truth about what I went through. So that’s my story. I realize it is incredibly long, but I hope that my story can help other people like me. To summarize, find something that you are good at, something you love, and focus on it when you are depressed, or having trouble, and focus on it just for fun when you are fine. And it does get better, you just have to keep on going. Please feel free to comment, ask questions, whatever you feel like, I will answer. 🙂