I hope everyone is having a beautiful Thanksgiving. Holidays can definitely be triggering,so many emotions running around all over the place. I’m not seeing my family this year. I am spending Thanksgiving at home with my girlfriend and my dogs and kitties. This isn’t the first time I’ve not visited my parents and siblings, but this year feels different. I’ve done some healing in some places and let go of some things that I was holding onto and I really just miss them.
This is my first Thanksgiving without my Grandma living and I’m really missing her today. Last night on the way home from work I started crying unexpectedly. It’s weird to just cry and let emotions do what they do. It’s so foreign feeling. I kind of like it. Sometimes!
I got a call last night from my Mom and she broke some news to me. Doctors are telling her she either has cirrhosis of her liver or a tumor. She is in a lot of pain. Last year around this time she told me some blood work came back that wasn’t good but she never said anything more. Apparently this whole year it’s gotten worse and worse and she hasn’t wanted any of us to worry.
She has a CT scan tomorrow. I would really, really appreciate prayers.
On that note, missing my Grandma a lot, not being with family, newly sober, concerned for my Mom, and I don’t have any desire to do anything self destructive. I don’t want to be distracted, I just want to be present and feel and love. This is SO strange to me and I’m really loving it in a bittersweet kind of way.