Two days ago, I self injured for the first time since July. What triggered it was that a guy who I thought I had been best friends with for 6 years told me that he hated me and that his life would have been better off without me. It hurt me a lot, and the first thing that popped into my mind was to S.I. I literally sat down for ten minutes, trying to tell myself not to do it, but I ended up giving in. I feel awful, pathetic, and ashamed of myself, because I have been trying so hard not to, and I did. Only my closest friend knows, and he isn’t mad at me, but he’s mad at the other guy, because he hates seeing me hurt.
I need help, but I don’t want to tell anybody. It’s getting worse and worse, and I’m afraid that now that I’ve started again, it will be even harder to stop. It’s bad, because just looking at me, and seeing me interact with people, you could never tell how I really feel. Nobody suspects anything, and I would almost rather have them so I didn’t have to say anything. I’m stuck in a bad place right now, and I can’t get out. Sometimes, playing tennis helps me though. I have a tournament tomorrow, which is good. When I do the team warmups before we go, I’ll do what I’ve been doing at practice, which is just killing the ball, not caring where it goes. It makes me feel a lot better, and even when I have to control my shots in matches. It makes me feel in control of something. Running helps too, and that’s saying something because I HATE running. So my advice is do something athletic to help, because it really does.