It’s been a long year, and a horribly long past few weeks. I can’t get the thoughts of injuring out of my head, and when I do I get hardly any effect. It seems to just be numb.

Suicidal thoughts and plans race through my head every second lately, and I can’t seem to cope with them. I’m beginning to be afraid of what may happen, so I’m going to see my doctor.

It’s still strange, I was always the person who made fun of this. It’s an ’emo’ problem, it’s only a phase and it’ll go away. Clearly my ignorance has caught up with me.

So far, it’s been me who’s been the clear-headed and stable one. But now I don’t know what to do, where to turn, or what is going to happen.

Things are getting progressively heavier. I always said that those I love, I would do anything I can to bear their pain and their burdens. I just never thought they would be so heavy. I have feelings for a friend of mine, but she’s a lot different compared to me, and she has no feelings for me that way anyway.

I’m in university, and I’m supposed to be working on a Ph.D in saelf-harm, depression, anxiety and things like that, but lately it’s all I can do to get out of bed in the morning.

‘I always seem to give up on myself. String it along, say you’ll love me anyway, when I’m all gone, say you’ll love me either way.’

‘And the hardest part of living is just taking breath to stay.’

‘Yeah your words have always been too weak, they always have been they will always be, I’ve barely been there at all. Another time baby I could never be, my shalloiw words reflected like an ocean ankle deep, like an ocean ankle deep.’

I know that the musicians who wrote these lyrics will never visit this site, and they’ve probably never even heard of it, but I just wanted to thank them. These words have kept me here, and continue to do so. One band in particular has done a tremendous job; Our Lady Peace. Thank you

Hope. Help. Recovery.