Well…. I started SI when I was only 13. My first thoughts of suicide started when I was in elementary school. I was only ten! It started because of being bullied and not only that but my mothers reaction. She said it was my fault, Im too quiet and had to change if I wanted to be treated any better. I wish people would like me for me though, even if im quiet at first. Thats my dream, not something I really think will happen, people say things will change but Im 17 now and nothings changing…I was hospitalized twice, first when I was 15 then again less than a year later. I never stopped SI while I was there, I guess I just got better at hiding it. The last time I hurt myself was yesterday. I dont really know if I want to stop, I guess you could say that I do because I’m on here now, at almost 4am, but really, I just came on to see what it was about. One of the hospitals referred me to this site and I never really thought about it. A lots been going on lately though and I really just need to be heard by someone, even people I dont know and for all I know, no one will end up reading this and it will be a wasted effort… I’ll never know. I was abused almost all my life, it started out with verbal abuse and turned physical by the time I started elementary school, so I guess being bullied just re-enforced my idea that love from anyone, even my mother wasn’t in store for me…. Right now thats all I ask for, someone to love me, I dont need or really want more than just a friend, someone to listen to me and want me for me!