so.. i basically found out the reason why i self injure. i’ve been somewhat bullied since about 3rd grade. what’s happening in society now with looking beautiful and everything doesn’t help that much either. i have low self esteem, very insecure about myself(basically the same), i’m somewhat depressed.. you can say. i compare myself to “beautiful” people too much, i think i’ll never make it in this world because i’m not pretty enough or even smart enough.. i put myself down every day, and for some reason i love doing it. it some how fuels me.. fuels me to become depressed and happy. some part of me wants me to feel this way, never really figured out why. i’ve been to therapy, yeah, when i didn’t need it. i was 10. i had very little problems and worries. but no, 7th grade and being 12 had to come, 13 years got worse. i’m 14 now, i don’t think anyone could describe how i feel now. i just wish that guys, and relationships and beauty didn’t matter that much. that society would come to an understatement that “hey, maybe saying this isn’t good, because everyone’s different and beautiful in their own way.” i say that to everyone, that they’re beautiful no matter what anyone says and all these super nice things, but i never take them into account for myself. it’s just too hard to believe that i’m actually beautiful and that one day someone will actually be head over heels for me. i just can’t believe it. life will get harder, socially, school wise, etc. i don’t think i’ll be able to handle it, actually part of me, the other part strives to do it’s best everyday. i have dreams, ya know. and people tell me that’ll it’ll never happen (just an example) i believe them, because (i think) they know better than me. i never try as much as i should most of the time. all i’m saying is, i want it all to go away.. all the hate, lies, truths even, that hurt everyone so bad.. why can’t this be a perfect world? no one’s perfect, that’s why. i just can’t stress it enough.