I reached the end… and I’m sorry… 140 days, 4 months + 18 days, 20 weeks… all are the same. The days which I lasted without self injuring.
I keep telling myself that I’m allowed to break down, at least that’s what I did until today happened. I have fallen in love so deeply, and I won’t let myself go on anymore. So, I went and didn’t give it another thought, so I SI’d. I let the feeling control me, I let myself get lost. Sure, it wasn’t that bad, but it was not really worth it. When people want to do things so long, when people are waiting this long, an excuse is anything.
I cried. I cried and I feel awful.
Regret is everything.
So as to avoid spiraling down this deep dark tunnel and relapsing, what I’ve learned from my experience is that when I slip up, I have to accept it happened and move on. There isn’t anything we can do to change it. Slipping up once doesn’t have to mean a full blown relapse. You can reflect on what happened, try to figure out what led you to self injure and be prepared to cope in a healthy way next time those same feelings come up. I try to not regret it and just take it for what it is, move on, and learn from it. I hope you feel better soon.
i was really proud of you. i still am. i havent lasted more than 25 days. today is my 28th. you lasted 140 days. yes you regret it today, and you wll for a while. but now you see you can do it. you can end all this all by yourself. you just need to believe a little. i know you can do it, and 140 days to prove it. set a goal….lets say 150 days. whenever you feel like doing it think about your goal.
good luck
if you ever want to talk bichasala8@hotmail.com
stay strong