I realized right now that my problem is anger, not so much depression.. I noticed that when I’m depressed, I don’t always get the urge to SI unless I’m low to the point where I’m sobbing but I only do that every couple of months cause I bottle it all up until it leads to that. Anyways, now that my mom’s boyfriend ticked me off again (as always), I started shaking like I always do when I get mad and I had the biggest urge to SI. I do it cause it calms me down and it stops the adrenaline after I do it.. I’m a very passive agressive person and I have never been in a fight my whole life so I don’t know what to do when I get all this adrenaline.. If I tell him off, the shaking gets worse for some reason, even if he hasn’t said anything back yet.. As soon as I start talking the adrenaline goes crazy and my voice even gets a little shaky too and all that makes my urge to SI more intense and then I get grounded because I’m “talking back”. But if I just shut up and take it, I’d be letting him walk all over me. I use to not care when people did that but lately my friends have been telling me that I’m too nice and that I need to stand up for myself but doing that just seems to be making everything worse.. I’ve tried talking to my mom about it but she always takes his side.. I even told her that he said that my best friend can’t spend the night cause he gets “tempted” and she just brushed it off.. He’s a pervert and it ticks me off.. I can’t do anything about it and it’s taking everything in me to not go into my bathroom right now and SI.

Is there anything I can do to stop the adrenaline when I get mad? Any pill I can take to make it stop? I try taking deep breaths but that only helps a little.. I’d rather just SI if there’s nothing else I can do but I don’t want to do that so much.. I don’t usually do it this often but since he moved in, I’ve been doing it more than usual …