Im trying to be healthier. Im trying to eat better. Im trying to do it the right way. Today is the first day. I want to succeed at it this time!! I dont want to give up like I did last time. And I was doing so well!! Its always those random days in the middle when I just want to binge eat, which leads me to feel terrible for not having enough self control, which leads to si. I found some inspirational quotes Im going to post in my room. I need to keep the fact that I can do it in front of me. My favorite out of all of them was “you are much stronger than you think” I hope that with that in mind I can do this. I can get healthier. But i feel like i focus on one thing and another thing goes down the drain. If im focusing too much on school I let go of my weight. If i focus on food I let go of school. Last week I let go of it all. I didnt do any school work and I ate terribly. I didnt Si tho. So idk. Whats more important. My future or my body? I cant choose anymore. I honestly dont know which one to take over. Do I want to be thinner (not like model skinny but smaller than I am)? Or do I want to succeed in school? I dont understand why I cant do both. I have a bunch of homework tonight and im sitting here at work wanting to eat. Thats all I want to do. Ive kept it under control though. Ive been healthy. I went for the fruit instead of the peanut butter. I guess the first day is always the hardest right? The urge to si isnt that big today which is great. I guess I’ll see what tomorrow has to bring for me.