September has always been a really tough month for me, along with April. This month fourteen years ago, I lost my dad, I was only three years old and I remember everything. A year ago, I S.I.d for the last time, and I hope that day is my last forever. I never want to gk back to that, but sometimes I don’t fully believe myself when I say that, and this month, I don’t believe myself.
My mom and step-dad, for my one year anniversary, surprisingly, did something so unbelievably meaningful to tell me that they care undeniably and that they know how important my anniversary is to me. They blindfolded me, put band aids all over me, and wrote ‘love’ on both of my forearms. I almost cried, they really do understand, and they really do care.
They don’t even know how much that meant to me and what they truly don’t know is that I will always carry that with me. I will always look back to that day when I doubt my sobriety and so badly want to give in to my demons. I will forever remember that precious moment I took that blindfold off and looked down at my arms and know that I am loved unconditionally.
Today I am one year and five days clean, I hope this sobriety clock ticks until the day I die. I hope I never hold another weapon in my hand, I hope I never see another wound on me, and I hope I will believe every word I’ve ever said about the wishes of being clean. Hope is in the air and hope does exist. I have hope. 🙂
I don’t know you, but I’m happy for you. You’re mom and step-dad sound awesome. I also have a very loving family,husband and friends, but its still so hard for me to live. I don’t know how to get over my horrible past.. How do you keep hope alive?
Have you ever read the story, To Write Love On Her Arms by Jamie Tworkowski? There’s a slight hint of religion in it, but it’s not greatly noticeable. That story, saved my life time and time again. When I have no where to turn to, I read that story. It talks about a girl with a horrible past who resorts to drugs, alcohol, and SI. Her friends convince her to go to a rehab, and it shows her journey before she checks herself into rehab. A truly inspiring and hopeful story at twloha.com
If you ever need more help to find hope, I’m keyboard clicks away, jeynann@yahoo.com 🙂
I will definitely read it. I love reading too, but it usually just helps me escape reality, rather than face it. Thank you.
I am so proud for you. I am a mom of a 19 year old recovering SI. I know as a parent how difficult it is for you and your parents. You have so much to be proud of yourself for. My daughter is 175 days SI free. I plan a great celebration when she reaches the point you are at. Rejoice in each day. Your parents sound wonderful and so supportive for you. Having them to lean on is priceless. So happy for you.
@supportmom , my parents led me to believe that they weren’t going to do anything, they led me to believe that no one cared, only to be bombarded with such great love and appreciation for my strength for getting this far. I can’t even begin to fathom what that must feel like as a parent watching you child finally grow into a beautifully strong person through and through. I feel as though people who understand or have physically endured such a journey are the most true and honest people and most beautiful people you could ever meet. Along with those who’ve endured an alcohol or drug problem and are coming out the other end of the tunnel. I have met at least five people close to me who have endured the same journey as in and they are the most beautiful girls in my eyes. I can’t even tell you how much they glow now, how much stronger they are now. People may say that this journey is a terrible and dark one, but what they’re forgetting is the outcome of those caterpillars peeking out of their cocoon. Truly beautiful and unique. 🙂