September has always been a really tough month for me, along with April. This month fourteen years ago, I lost my dad, I was only three years old and I remember everything. A year ago, I S.I.d for the last time, and I hope that day is my last forever. I never want to gk back to that, but sometimes I don’t fully believe myself when I say that, and this month, I don’t believe myself.
My mom and step-dad, for my one year anniversary, surprisingly, did something so unbelievably meaningful to tell me that they care undeniably and that they know how important my anniversary is to me. They blindfolded me, put band aids all over me, and wrote ‘love’ on both of my forearms. I almost cried, they really do understand, and they really do care.
They don’t even know how much that meant to me and what they truly don’t know is that I will always carry that with me. I will always look back to that day when I doubt my sobriety and so badly want to give in to my demons. I will forever remember that precious moment I took that blindfold off and looked down at my arms and know that I am loved unconditionally.
Today I am one year and five days clean, I hope this sobriety clock ticks until the day I die. I hope I never hold another weapon in my hand, I hope I never see another wound on me, and I hope I will believe every word I’ve ever said about the wishes of being clean. Hope is in the air and hope does exist. I have hope. 🙂