I should be doing homework. Im at work but its been really slow. I should be doing homework, studying, reading a textbook, anything other than playing games and listening to music.  Throughout the music I keep getting urges and I need to get them under control.  Its like I get mad at myself for not doing homework, and then im like well Ill have a snack, and then I eat and feel stupid! I wasnt hungry, the snack was to kill time.  After the snack I feel like a cow and want to si.  I dont understand why I do this.  Like I know the repercussions, I still do it though.  I still put off school work. I spent three hours at home last night doing homework because I was lazy at work and did nothing when I didnt have any customers.  Im doing the same tonight, at least I dont have to worry about anything being due tomorrow, I have time to do it tomorrow.  Tomorrow is what ends up hurting me.  I end up putting it off, and then it all blows up on me.  I hate myself for doing this.  I feel stupid for doing this. I feel WEAK for doing this.  If I would just do my school work right now I would be ok tomorrow, and right now I wouldnt feel like this.  But I just cant bring myself to do homework.  I just want to sit here. I dont even want to sit here.  I havnt had a day home alone in so long.  Just to hang out in my pajamas and watch tv. Maybe clean a little, make a lunch, watch more tv, bake.  Just be home…alone.  Friday was suppose to be my day off…now I have to help my mom out.  I dont want to.  She gets to go to the city and have fun and I get to stay at home and babysit.  Really? I didnt go to school, work, and volunteer all week?? When all this adds up I want to Si.  I know I Shouldnt.  I know its terrible for me.  But I dont really care right now.  I want to stop feeling used.  Everyone takes advantage of the fact that I dont say no, and when its my turn no one has time.  Funny how that works.  I just want to cry right now Im so stressed out.  Im not even stressed out that much! My grades are ok, even though Im not doing homework im not THAT far behind.  But I still feel like I want to cry right in the middle of work. Right in the middle of the store , I want to sit down and cry.  Pssh who am I kidding? I dont cry.  Silly me.