Sometimes I feel like I’m doing better.  I felt like I was on the right track.  I started out the day really happy today.  I went to the gym, got a coffe, went to my volunteer, now I’m at work.  I dont really want to si, nor was I really thinking about it.  Right now I am really content. Waiting for the holidays to roll around, for the cool weather to come around and enjoy the rainy days.  So why am I here? Im really not sure.  Ive been tempted to blog for a few days now. Just to get thoughts out really.  Ive been doing well in school.  Ive gotten A’s or B’s consisntatly.  Which is a HUGE turn around considering past semesters.  I should be doing homework right now, or at least reading my text book, but I’m not…. I just wanted to talk to someone I guess… or something.  I put on weight again and it stresses me out. I dont know when it happened but I know I was binge eating a few days in a row.  I didnt want to stop.  Sometimes I think si-ing is easier than eating the amount I was.  I knew it was wrong, but I still kept doing it.  Todays the first day I feel ok about what I ate.  I really need to do my nailes, theyve gotten really long and the nail polish is chipping off.  I think I should start reading my textbook but I dont really want to right now.  I cant say I didnt want to si badly last night after I got off the scale, I was really really tempted, the only reason I didnt was because I didnt have a tool with me.  But after I thought about it, I figured SI wouldnt do anything with my weight, so I got up really early to go to the gym.  Which I guess is how Im suppose to handle the situations.  But I dont really want to.  I know the next time I get an urge I will still look for a tool and if there is a tool I wont think twice.  But I cant…not have tools. I panic if I dont.  I usually try to keep them hidden in hard places when if the urge hits I wont want to go get them.  Hopefully the next time the urge hits I will be lazy again.