I have been in college officially for a week and i haven’t SIed in about 2 weeks. These last few days have been my moments where i had this huge urge to SI but i didn’t and i’m worried and kind of know that once i go home tomorrow for the night there’s gonna be stress and i have a chance of going back to my SI habits.
I know recovery takes a long time but truthfully i just want to be finished with this but every time i push it away i get pulled back in. “?”Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.” – Proverb It’s true i’ve been SIing for about 8 years now and it became a habit that i was comfortable with when it came to dealing with my problems. Trying to get out of it has been the hardest struggle. I’m constantly going back to this habit whether i like it or not it’s harder than i thought it would be. I’m in college now and it’s added stress so i knew this moment would come where i would desire to SI once again.Not like i don’t know at all what’s going through my head right now as i write this. I think i’m writing this for multiple reasons maybe it’s just the fact that i feel alone. No one here knows my secrets like my high school friends do. No one here knows enough to worry and be concerned about my habits. It’s as if it works in my favor, i can SI and not be questioned whether i did or not just for the fact that no one knows. It’s a scary concept .. i don’t know any other way to deal so i turn to SI to deal with everything… how does that make any sense. Bad habits are just hard to break and you need support so it’s as if the only way to recover is if you tell someone… so the only way i can recover is if someone knows so they can support me. The one’s i trusted and found out they know but i still feel utterly alone. Bad habits are worse when you’re trying to get out of them. I never thought it would be this hard.