well I hadnt posted in a while, I was going to post yesterday and say I was better. But im not. I sied last night. And i only did it because I “felt like it.” Like there was no need for me to si. My day had gone one well enough. I didnt have anything majorly stressing happen…yet when ten o clock rolled around its all I wanted. I dont know what to think. School started. I have alot of work to do but Ive been on top of it all. I havnt fallen behind yet, and I usually fall behind my first week. I guess you can say im motivated this time. Like my future looks great, but i cant see myself without si. I dont see how I can go a few months and not si. I dont see how I could just…not si. Its more like an urge than a need. I crave it yea, I think about it all day, but alot of times i can stop easily, this time it just didnt work that way. the urge was too strong. idk. I need a break. Im at work and here until 7. fourand a half more hours to go. Four and a half more hours left to dwell on my actions.