well I hadnt posted in a while, I was going to post yesterday and say I was better.  But im not.  I sied last night. And i only did it because  I “felt like it.” Like there was no need for me to si.  My day had gone one well enough.  I didnt have anything majorly stressing happen…yet when ten o clock rolled around its all I wanted.  I dont know what to think.  School started. I have alot of work to do but Ive been on top of it all.  I havnt fallen behind yet, and I usually fall behind my first week. I guess you can say im motivated this time.  Like my future looks great, but i cant see myself without si.  I dont see how I can go a few months and not si.  I dont see how I could just…not si.  Its more like an urge than a need.  I crave it yea, I think about it all day, but alot of times i can stop easily, this time it just didnt work that way.  the urge was too strong. idk. I need a break. Im at work and here until 7.  fourand a half more hours to go.  Four and a half more hours left to dwell on my actions.