My cousin tries to help…she just doesnt understand….i appreciate what shes doing…but i know shes tired of hearing it…she is beautiful….and popular….and shes happy…..thats why its so hard to tell her….im afraid shes only gonna see the depressed side of me…since ive only known her for about ayear…slowly she will begin to keep her distance untill she forgets abourt me….i wish i was more like her…..she can never find out…all i want to do is end with this pain….my dad says i do all this for attention…..she does too…..i know she does….because every time i see her im either crying or have just SIed……i dont do it for attention…..

today my dad told me i was useless and that i was a waste of space….he’s said this before….many times…i told my cousin since he said it yesterday too…and when i told her he said it after i had an argument with my sister (nothing new) she began lecturing me about how i should talk to my sister…i hate her. nobody gets it…. she makes my life terrible! my parents always side with her….even if shes wrong.. once, she pushed me down the stairs…. i almost broke my arm. and when i yelled at her, i was grounded….my dad has abused me many times. each time he apologizes, but an apology is not enough….. i know my parents marriage is holding on by a thread….and i know i should be sad about that…but im not….i actually feel sorry for my mom for having to stay with dad…..he makes her feel small….he makes all women feel small. ive told him so many times but i only get yelled at and grounded. i cant tell people this. i mean what would people think??? and anyways im sure my cousin would think i make it up…. people always think im lying, because i try to hide the facts…but people see the truth…i dont injure for no reason…….ever sonce i was little ive found ways to self injure…they were little things, but still….i dont know why…..the point is that i injure myself…but i can feel it. …i seem to stop injuring one way only to find there are more ways to injure….im scared it will get worse…..i want to go to rehab…it sounds drastic…but i cant do this alone….i just dont know yo cna go to rehab just for injuring…..i need help