I was going to post a new blog the other day, but I couldn’t really think of anything worth while. I had something tragic and horrible happen in my life. I also had good things to- but once again, the bad outweighs the good. I can’t believe that every time I open myself up to truly trust someone it always ends the same way. I always end up alone. I’m really tired….tired of giving people chances.. I’d rather love from afar then love and lose. I’m tired of being called bad things. I’m tired of apparently being a disease that cannot be touched- I feel like I have leprosy! I can’t ever get close to someone for too long.. I’m terrified to find out which of the few people I have left to care about will leave me next.  I’m just so broken right now……If I cause so much trouble then why do people have to wait so long to tell me??? I just have to go back.. I was right when I was younger- a lot of people aren’t that fortunate. I was-  I had the perfect walls up all around me. I saw through the smoke and mirrors. I have to go back- I have to see people for the two-faces they are. EVERYONE JUST WANTS TO USE ME! And once I lose whatever their use is for me, suddenly I’m horrible and awful and time to throw me away. I’m pathetic…I just want to go back to SI. Honestly I’m tried of this… I’m so sick of fighting so hard- how much hurt can I live with before I do worse than SI? I have no one left and I’m really expecting to lose the few people I have that I care about at all..